


When You Truly Care

by EmrysBeard



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Fouresome
Genre: Actor Dan, Angst, Drug dealer!Phil, M/M, Smut, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-09-28 00:58:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10060421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmrysBeard/pseuds/EmrysBeard
Summary: Phil never meant to become a drug dealer, and he certainly never meant to fall in love with one of his clients, but ever since his brother was murdered, Phil has needed a way to fill his empty heart. And yet, despite Dan's endless love, there may be more to him than meets the eye.Beta: SoManyDestiel





	

**Author's Note:**

> So it's been a while since I posted anything! This one is a sad one, but I hope you all enjoy :)
> 
> (I think SoManyDeatiel's style has been rubbing off on me tbh)

Phil Lester had always been a good kid, or at least that’s what some people said. Whether or not that was true depended on who you asked. If you asked his teachers, they'd say he was an angel. If you asked Phil, you might hear a different response.

Phil was one of those innocent on the outside, dying on the inside types. He was the sort of kid who always respected his elders, always cast a friendly smile at strangers, but who made scratches on his skin after a hard day and cried himself to sleep every night. He wasn't what a stranger would call self destructive, but he knew better than to say he was an angel. Unfortunately, he was the only one who did. Of course his brother had known better, but then he disappeared only to turn up in a dead ditch, the result of a drug deal gone wrong. He’d died from wound in his stomach made by what the police described as a very unique, zigzagging blade. They claimed that anyone with such a unique blade was suspect, but if course the killer was never found. Meanwhile, Phil was left alone in the world.

No parents, and too big a conscious to follow his brother’s path, Phil dropped out of high school and was left penniless and afraid. And yet, when he spent his last dollar and turned his dog over to the local shelter as he knew he couldn’t afford to keep his old friend, he came to realize that no matter what his heart told him, he had very few options. Two weeks later found him huddled along the same river bank where his brother had turned up dead, a block of heroine in his pocket. 

Phil’s palms were sweaty, his mouth dry, and his eyes moist, yet he waited for approxietly a half hour in silence before there was a rustling in the bushes, and then a small head poked through. Phil almost had a heart attack before he realized that this was his client.

“Martyn?” The boy cried, rushing forward, before his face fell and he swallowed hard. “Oh, sorry… You looked like someone else…”

“Martyn is… Was my brother,” Phil murmured, swallowing hard.

“Oh,” was the soft reply. “I’m sorry. I heard what happened, I just… You look like him.”

The client had a curly brown fringe, his eyes soft and gentle, his voice posh and pristine. From simply looking and listening to him, Phil somehow got the impression that this boy should be at a piano lesson, not buying drugs from an unfortunate orphan from the north of England. 

“You have it, then?” The client asked, yanking Phil from his thoughts, and he nodded quickly.

“Uh, yeah,” Phil nodded, feeling slightly ill as he slipped the drug from his pocket. “Uh… Here.”

“You alright?” The client asked, raising his eyebrows at Phil, who shivered slightly and shrugged.

“Uh… Totally, just doing my job! Um… You know drugs aren't the best option, if you ever need someone to talk to, I don't mind…”

“You're a drug dealer, aren't you?” The boy raised his eyebrows in annoyance. “You're meant to be selling me this, not giving me a counseling session.”

“Right! Yeah! Sorry… Still new at this whole thing… I should go…”

“Wait, don't you want your money?”

Phil startled, nodding quickly and snatching the cash held out to him. The client eyed Phil strangely for a moment, before he shook his head and gave a little chuckle.

“That's alright. You don't really seem like you belong here either. How'd you and your brother get mixed up in all this anyway? He at least had the attitude. He wasn't a shaking, nervous wreck, but he was still…. Martyn. Not like others.”

“Yeah…” Phil sniffled slightly, before shrugging his shoulders. “Well… I suppose I wasn't mixed up in all this, and didn't want to be, but when you've no parents, and your brother is gone, and you haven't graduated high school, but you're not a minor, it's a bit hard to get a job. Sorry… Now I'm telling you all my problems.”

“No, no it's okay,” the boy gave Phil a warm sort of smile, shaking his head gently. “I'm Dan, by the way. If you told me why you're here, I suppose I shall do the same. I don't take the drugs. I give them to my mum. She got herself addicted after my dad left, and I'm scared to take her off them all at once, but I don't want to bring her anywhere for help cause… Well she can't get locked up, she's my mum. So I'm weaning her off of them. Let me know if you've any suggestions.”

“Oh,” Phil spoke, the word hanging heavy in the air as he let this wash over him. “I didn't think that you looked like the type, but I suppose you can never tell.”

“I suppose not,” was Dan’s quiet reply. 

“Do you want to go somewhere?” Phil asked suddenly. “Coffee or something? Sorry… I know this is meant to be a drug deal, but I figured….”

“With a block of heroin in my pocket?” Dan almost laughed. “No thanks, but I wouldn't mind meeting you tomorrow somewhere. Starbucks, one block over?”

“Okay,” Phil nodded, the color beginning to return to his face, and thus began perhaps the least conventional relationship that Phil had ever heard of, but then he felt sure that if anyone had ever been in this situation, they wouldn't talk about it.

Phil learned that Dan was a year younger, still attending high school and with hopes of doing something with his life. He reminded Phil a bit of himself, only Phil had wanted to be a weatherman, while Dan declared he wanted to be an actor.

Phil also learned that Dan lead a double life. In school he was the drama king, the best actor in the theater group, good at reciting Shakespeare and Broadway, while at home he spent all his time trying to monitor his mum and keep her from overdosing either by accident or on purpose. 

“It must be hard,” Phil murmured, absentmindedly stirring sugar into his coffee.

“No harder than your life, I imagine,” Dan hummed. “But I guess that's how it goes. Forgotten hopes and dreams are always just out of your reach.”

Phil didn't quite agree, but then he couldn't easily argue either. So instead he just kept stirring his sugar. 

Phil learned that most all clients were nothing like Dan. Half of them looked half homeless, the other half were split between people who made Phil afraid, and people who made Phil want to cry. None of them were quite like Dan. Phil wasn't quite sure if he cared particularly about Dan, or if he was just someone to talk to in his very lonely life. This question was answered for him when Dan didn't show up on time, and Phil nearly panicked, thinking something had happened to him. One hour later Dan came rushing into the bushes, panting.

“Sorry,” Dan gasped for breath. “Drama let out late, I've got to get this and run home. My mum must be going wild by now.”

“I can drive you?” Phil asked hopefully, but Dan shook his head.

“Nah, too suspicious, didn't anyone ever tell you the rules?” Dan cocked an eyebrow, before shaking his head. “Nah, I've got to go. I'll text you next time, yeah? Here’s my number. Good luck.”

Phil took the scrap of paper that Dan extended to him, a small smile on Phil’s face as he jotted it into his phone, preparing for his next customer. After Dan always came one of those clients that made Phil feel slightly frightened, though he wasn't sure why. Brent was just one of those people who made his skin crawl, for reasons beyond his understanding.

Today Brent stormed in, his hair in a mess and his leather jacket askew.

“Where is it?” Brent spat. “Hand it over, I have places to be.”

“Yeah, sorry,” Phil quickly slipped it out of his pocket, taking the cash extended to him. “Have a nice day.”

“You listen up, you little idiot,” Brent growled, and Phil jumped when Brent snatched Phil’s collar, the smell of liquor on his breath. “I already had my last dealer killed off, and I don't want the same to happen to you. While you're lounging about, smiling and wishing everyone a nice day, there's one of your people who's a killer. Instead of watching the clouds of whatever it is people like you do, you need to be watching your back.”

And with that, Brent marched away, leaving Phil with a distinctly uneasy rumbling in his stomach, however he simply took a deep breath and headed home. After all, Brent was drunk, and if Phil died it wasn't the worst thing in the world. After all, he was only living for himself now, and there wasn't much in the world lonelier than that.

Time passed, seasons changed, and with those changes came another change. This was a change in Phil’s attitude. He came to realise that perhaps he wasn't simply living for himself anymore. Now he was living for Dan.

“Hello Phil, I got out early today.”

Phil looked up over the rim of his coffee cup, a smile on his lips.

“Hmm, I'm glad,” Phil murmured, pushing Dan’s usual hot cocoa over to him. “That means your cocoa is still warm. How was drama?”

“Same as usual. Now I'm Hamlet, the poor confused teen who misses his father and doesn't know what to think of his mum… Sounds familiar,” Dan laughed almost bitterly, before plastering a smile to his face. “They say caring about what you're acting for is a crucial part of any role.”

“Oh?” Phil grinned. “Well, I'm glad you care. I've been thinking about caring too… Dan, we’ve known each other almost six months now, you know.”

“Yeah?” Dan raised his eyebrows, swallowing the hot chocolate a bit too quickly and almost choking. “What about it?”

“Well… Dan, I just wanted to say that if there was ever anything I could do for you, anything at all, I'd like you to tell me.”

“I thought we talked about you sticking to your job and not being a social worker,” Dan raised his eyebrows.

“I'm not talking about being a social worker,” Phil murmured, his hand sliding atop of Dan’s, and for a moment Dan’s soft hands felt warm and right under Phil’s, and yet a moment later Dan’s face was crumpling, his eyes on the ground. Phil bit his lip, retracting his hand. “Dan? I'm sorry. If I was too forward…”

“No!” Dan's hand zipped up to suddenly grasp Phil’s. “No, you weren't, I was just surprised. But I suppose I shouldn't have been. We have known each other a long time, and I'd thought you'd ask this. Or say this. Or do this. I mean, I saw it coming. I just… It just shocked me, is all… I care about you too, Phil. Honest I do. I just… Why?”

“Why what?” Phil’s eyebrows knitted together.

“Why me?” Dan spoke in almost a whisper.

“There’s no one quite like you,” Phil replied, eyes blue and genuine, and Dan smiled.

“No, I suppose there's not,” was Dan’s reply,

That night found them tangled in Phil’s sheets, Dan’s bottom lip locked between Phil’s teeth as they kissed away everything, starting a fire within Phil that he didn't think could ever be put out. By the morning, Dan was collapsed again Phil’s chest, his sleeping head rising and falling with Phil’s breaths, and for some reason, for the first time in forever, Phil felt complete.

Two months later found Phil huddled in the usual thicket. The creek was frozen, along with Phil’s hands as he waited for Dan to appear. Drama class must have lasted an awful long time today, because Dan was late again, yet he hadn't texted. Phil shrugged it off, assuming that Dan hadn't had a chance to text, and yet as afternoon turned into night, and Brent came and went, Phil began to grow uneasy. 

In fact, he was just about to give up and head home, when there was a soft rustle, and a sob, and then a small figure collapsed into the thicket beside the creek.

“Dan?” Phil whispered, and for a moment the sobs quieted as Dan took a few deep breaths, however he kept his face hidden in his knees.

“I thought you'd have left,” Dan whimpered. “I thought you'd be gone.”

“No, Dan, of course not, I know you need this stuff for your mum, I wouldn't leave. Are you alright? Is… Is she alright?”

Dan’s shoulders shook with more sobs, and it seemed like a deadweight settled in Phil’s stomach.

“Oh Dan…” Phil murmured, coming closer to wrap an arm around him, yet as Dan looked up, Phil startled backwards in shock. Dan’s left eye was swollen shut, dried blood trickled from his nose, and one of his cheeks was a dark shade of purple.

“She didn't mean to, she didn't know what she was doing, she thought I was someone else. Don't worry, this has happened before,” the words tumbled from Dan’s mouth, but Phil could only stare.

“Dan…” Phil tried to form more words, and yet somehow nothing came out. The more Phil looked at Dan’s mangled face, the more his stomach churned, and suddenly he was reaching up to tenderly wipe Dan’s bangs from his face, Dan’s lips quivering. 

“I’m fine,” Dan murmured, turning away after a moment. “She's done this before, it's fine.”

“It's not fine, Dan,” Phil shook his head, tears gathering in his own eyes. “Dan, she can't do this to you! It doesn't matter if she didn't know what she was doing, she needs help! You need to take her in and-”

“I won't! I won't betray her like that!” Dan cried. “She's my mum, she's getting better!”

“She hurt you! This time it's only your face, but next time it could be worse!” Phil cried. “You can't give her drugs anymore, she needs professional help!”

“You're a fucking drug dealer, who are you to preach?” Dan shouted, suddenly growing angry. “It's people like you who made her this way in the first place! It's people like you who turned my mum into this!”

“Dan, Dan please someone could hear you-”

“You listen to me Phil, my mum means the world to me, and I am not turning her over to be treated as subhuman. I can take care of her myself!”

“Dan, please, she hurt you, that's abuse. You don't deserve that. I can take you somewhere safe, Dan, where you'll never be hurt again.”

“It doesn't matter what happens to me, I'm going to take care of my mum! And don't you dare think of trying to save me, Phil, because I don't need saving. My mum needs saving, but I can only trust myself to do it right!” Dan spat, his face somewhere between frightened and angry.

“Dan, please, I can help you. You're just confused, love, I can take you away from her and save you,” Phil suddenly reached out towards Dan, however he leaped backwards when suddenly Dan snatched a blade from the inside of his coat, and suddenly Phil couldn't move his gaze anywhere else. Dan’s blade was unique, curving like no other blade Phil had ever seen before, a zigzag pattern than was sure to leave a very unique wound. Phil paled.

“Dan…” Bile rose in Phil’s throat, and he couldn't get any more words out, his stomach threatening to empty everything he’d eaten in the last three days. Dan said nothing, simply glaring at Phil for a long moment, before his eyes traveled down to the blade, and then back up to Phil’s face, and Dan dropped the knife, a look of terror in his eyes. That moment, both boys knew what was going through the other’s head, but before Dan could leap to his feet to dash away, Phil had his hand locked around Dan’s bicep in an iron grip.

“You…. You…. You… You killed him!” Phil suddenly roared, only red in front of his eyes. Suddenly Phil didn't see a 17 year old boy, cowering and shaking. Suddenly Phil didn't see the boy he’d made love to every week for the past two months of his life. Suddenly Phil didn't see the tears streaming down that same boy’s cheeks. All Phil could see was the red on his knuckles, and the same red dribbling from Dan’s broken nose. 

Phil had always been a good kid, and yet anything good within him had suddenly been crushed and torn like so many autumn leaves under the wheels of a truck. Dan’s sobbing could hardly be heard over the wailing of the wind through the trees, and yet Phil didn't release Dan until there was something black dribbling from his mouth, the ground coated in the same suspicious substance.

Phil’s eyes suddenly landed upon the curved knife, sitting innocuously amongst the leaves, and Dan’s eyes widened in absolute terror. He made to get up and run, and yet within seconds he had collapsed back the the ground, his broken ankle throbbing and gasps and sobs escaping his mouth.

“Please, Phil,” Dan begged between cries. “Please, I beg you!”

For one moment, the knife was raised high in the air, and then it was whistling downwards, leading with a squelch in the mud beside Dan’s head. Dan slowly lowered his arms, his clumped lashes blinking open, his red eyes landing upon the boy standing above him.

“I’m not a killer,” Phil spat, and then he dialed the police.

The trial was messy, and yet surprisingly quick. Phil was sentenced for being a drug dealer, and Dan was sentenced for murder. Neither denied any charges, which made everything rather simple for the judge.

Phil got seven years in prison and a fine he couldn't hope to pay off for more than fifty years. Dan got a life sentence. 

It wasn't customary to allow a final moment for the criminals to speak, and yet nothing about this case was customary, and so they granted Phil his request, and the boys now stood eye to eye.

“Why did you do it?” Phil spoke in a near whisper. “I don't understand. You could have had such a life ahead of you, such a good life.”

“I thought we already talked about you not being my social worker,” Dan replied, not bothering to wipe his tears. “I had to protect my mum, and Martyn was too much of an older brother. He was going to rescue me, to take me away from her and turn her in… I was so afraid. And then…”

Suddenly Dan was sobbing, his shoulders shaking, and yet Phil only looked on with a touch of pity.

“How could you sleep with me every weekend, knowing what you had done?” Phil spat, his eyes as icy cold as his voice.

“They say caring about what you're acting for is a crucial part of any role,” Dan’s voice cracked, and for a moment his eyes met Phil’s. He memorised them, and knew that when he was lonely that it was those eyes that he’d dream about. And yet he regretted that the way he’d remember them was filled with cold and bitter hate. And yet, Phil’s eyes softened minutely, something almost kind in them, before he suddenly lept forward, locking his lips with Dan’s, before he was dragged backwards, a half smirk on face.

“Goodbye, Dan,” Phil spoke, and he watched as Dan was taken away, the same as his mum.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment with your thoughts and opinions! Thanks for reading :)


End file.
